the serendipities and details
by cyclothimic
Summary: "I don't think I'll ever find another sanctuary now that I found you." or eight things Lexa said to Clarke


**can you believe it's been more than a month since i uploaded anything? i swear i've been writing this for weeks, but work has been getting in the way and whenever i get home i just get too tired to even do anything. but hey, at least it's something!**

* * *

_Sometimes, it still feels like we are still these young and stunning strangers;_

_You threw a shadow in my spotlight;_

_I had a song called danger._

_-Girl Blue, Fire Under Water_

* * *

_1\. Things you said at 1am_

At National City University, the period between ten in the evening to five in the morning was prime time, unspoken and unseen by the authorities. Fraternities, sororities, clubs, bars, filled to the brim by students and sometimes even the faculty members, as they let loose and be wild, so long as they didn't do anything that would require campus police management – or worse, actual police.

Tonight was one of those nights. And usually, Clarke would have joined them. She would have been the first one to show up at the most popular sorority house and maybe hump it up with a few guys and girls. Probably even go up to one of the rooms to have a quickie. It was simply who she was – the queen of beer pong who was also kind of always in need of sexual release. She wasn't exactly ashamed of her record.

One could only dream of achieving what she had achieved at such a young age.

Except tonight was not one of those nights.

Oh no, tonight, while they were all out partying and drinking and fucking all over the place, Clarke was sitting in the library, eyes roving over three medical textbooks at once. Just earlier today – or yesterday – her professor had reminded the class that the submission deadline was noon tomorrow – or today – and guess what, she had completely forgotten.

So here she was, pulling a last-minute work, hoping she could just die right here and not have to worry about deadlines anymore. No, she was well aware that she would pass this, ace it even – Clarke was the salutatorian to Raven's valedictorian, alright, she knew exactly how smart she was – but she just hated that she was here, and they were there, and she wanted to kill Octavia for even daring to send that Snapchat to her.

Thankfully enough, she was only one paragraph away from finishing it. She only had to look for that one specific reference to prove that she was right.

_Aha, found it_!

Clarke quickly typed the paragraph out, completed with citation and reference, then she closed her laptop with a satisfied twitch in her chair. She could look over it in the morning, but now, she was entirely too exhausted and frustrated to even look at it.

Once her stuff was packed, she got up, shouldered her bag, and headed for the entrance, slowing down when she saw a familiar head of blonde hair sitting at another one of the tables. Clarke blinked, surprised to find that she had not been the only occupant of the library.

"Hey, Kara," she greeted.

The soccer player lifted her head lethargically from the desk and blinked at the arts student, and then her eyes lit up with recognition, but not enough for her to smile that usually bright smile of hers.

"Well, hey there, Clarke," Kara greeted back.

"You alright?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just got a little too obsessed with practice that I'm way overdue on my paper. This is where my college career dies."

"God, you're so dramatic."

Clarke's eyes whipped to the new voice and her entire body froze up. She didn't want to admit it, but she was pretty sure that her cheeks flushed a little and her mouth even dropped open at the sight before her. Her throat clogged up, and suddenly, words were nowhere to be found. Then again, there were no words to describe this anyway.

It felt kind of out of body and surreal to be in the presence of such beauty and confidence, even at one in the morning, when _no one _should be in the library at all. Clarke didn't know where to look, really – the jarring emerald eyes, the defined cheekbones, the pronounced biceps, the luscious brown hair, literally everything.

Clarke immediately wanted to pull out her drawing pad and request to draw the girl.

"Hi, I'm Lexa."

The blonde blinked at the abrupt introduction and looked down at the extended hand. She glanced at Kara to find her staring at them with interest and newfound wakefulness – shit, she'd been caught. Regardless, she took the hand and tried to fight a shiver from going through her nerves at the contact.

"Clarke."

* * *

_2\. Things you said through your teeth_

This was definitely a coincidence. Clarke did not do this on purpose. She saw the poster looking for on campus first aid recruit and thought she could use an extracurricular. The fact that she kind of aggressively stalked Lexa's Facebook and Instagram pages, both of which were offensively lacking, the night before and found out that she actually played on the same team as Kara did not have anything to do with the fact before.

Purely coincidental. Driven by interest and a want to improve her practical skills. Totally not because she got turned on at one in the morning by just shaking hands with the girl. Not at all.

And then it was Friday night, and there was a soccer home game between NCU and CCU. Somehow, by the stroke of luck, Clarke was stationed to the first aid group for the match. Of course, she didn't want anything to happen to the players, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't want to have a chance to…get her hands on Lexa.

She could already hear Lena in her head. _Pervert_.

She was snapped out of her perverted thoughts when someone smacked her arm – the opposite of gentle – and she saw one of her teammates already running towards the field. She blinked once, saw exactly who had fallen down, and leaped to her feet to follow, tailed by two more first aiders.

There Lexa Woods was, face-down and expression very telling of the pain she was experiencing as she cradled her knee. It was an unwise position, but the soccer player didn't seem to know that.

Clarke was not a runner, but somehow, she was the first to reach the brunette and place her hands on Lexa's shoulders. As gently as she could, she adjusted Lexa's position so she was lying on her back. The brunette's eyes opened a little, and there was a glimmer of recognition in her eyes at seeing the blonde.

"Alright, Lexa, tell me what hurts."

Lexa heaved a bitter laugh, which quickly turned into a groan. "What the hell do you think?" she gritted between her teeth.

"Well, there's no need to be rude," Clarke remarked with a small smile as she shifted her attention to the aforementioned knee, glad to hear that mild chuckle again. "Okay, I can't check you out in this mess."

"Oh, really?"

Clarke threw the striker a look and turned to her fellow first aider. "We need to get her on a stretcher."

"God, and I only scored one goal," Lexa complained, teeth still clenched.

Tilting her head, Clarke reached up to pat Lexa's cheek, trying to grasp her attention and distract her from the ache. "You'll score more when you're done with healing."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Oh, my friend," Clarke said as she shook her head, testing out the tendons and muscles of Lexa's injured leg, "we're gonna be spending a lot of time together in the near future."

"Great."

After that, there was no more talking except for the quick hustle of getting Lexa on the stretcher. Clarke spent a few more minutes reassuring Kara that Lexa was going to be fine and she would stay with the brunette every minute of the way, and then she rushed to the infirmary, definitely neglecting her position as the onsite first aider, not knowing that this would only be the first of many trips to the infirmary because of one Lexa Woods.

* * *

_3\. Things you said too quietly_

It was yet another late night, rushing another assignment that she had forgotten. Clarke had to start doing the thing with calendars that Lena employed. It seemed to be doing her roommate wonders.

By the time she had submitted the paper, it was already nearing two in the morning and her building was a little too far of a trek for this time of the night. If she could, she would love to just sleep in the library, but there was a rule about that specific thing.

Reluctantly, Clarke packed up her stuff and made her way out of the building. The moment she reached the bottom step, someone collided into her, almost toppling her over the steps when a pair of arms encircled her waist and pulled her back up.

The very first thing that came to her mind was that these were a pair of very strong and sweaty arms. She stood upright and took a clear look at her simultaneous almost-killer and savior, and inhaled sharply.

"Will there ever be a time when we meet like proper people?" Lexa asked, like she wasn't at all aware that she was essentially holding Clarke upright.

Clarke resisted the urge from reaching up and touching those cheekbones to see if they were real, but if her mother had taught her anything, it was to not touch anyone without permission, despite the fact she was being touched without permission now, but she liked it so she could let it go. Instead, she just allowed herself to be caught in green pools of amusement and curiosity.

"Well, I think this kind of made things even between us," she murmured in return, returning Lexa's attention to their awkward position.

Only then did Lexa finally let her go, in a rush but also ensuring that Clarke could stand upright by grasping onto her elbow. "Sorry," Lexa muttered.

"No worries." Her eyes lingered on Lexa's very pronounced and very damp collarbones before looking straight at Lexa's very pretty face. Really, there was no loss here. "What are you doing out so late?"

"Getting late night run in."

Despite her unhealthy obsession and foggy mind at having actually felt Lexa's arms around her, Clarke was still clear enough to remember one thing. She narrowed her eyes at the brunette. "Didn't I _just _clear you from physical therapy _five _hours ago?" she accused.

Lexa nodded matter-of-factly.

"People usually _rest _after they've been cleared of physical therapy."

"But isn't the point of clearing me from therapy is so that I can get back on my feet without worries?"

Clarke was ready to retort, but she found herself wordless at those words. She blinked at the brunette, finding herself enjoying rather than getting irritated at Lexa's emerging smirk. She dropped her finger with a huff.

Goddamn her and her stupidly beautiful face and her ridiculous intelligence and her aptitude as a law student. Clarke shuddered at the thought of whoever would end up facing Lexa on the other side of the courtroom one day – she could already imagine the opponent shaking and hanging their head in defeat.

"You really need to start loving yourself more," Clarke complained, shaking her head fondly.

Lexa's smirk dimmed a little. "Yeah, everyone's been telling me that, but I did spend a big part of my childhood moving from foster home to foster home to actually understand what that means," she said, a little too flagrantly, quietly, self-deprecatingly.

At those words, the art student could literally feel her heart sink right down to her stomach. Her internal self was kicking and screaming at her brain for not being aware enough to not put her foot in her mouth. Honestly, she was already so into Lexa – it wouldn't hurt her to make the minimum effort to actually ask Kara some stuff about the brunette before she said anything stupid.

Fuck her brain. Fuck her pride. Fuck the crazy assignment that had sucked out all senses of decorum and politeness that her parents had instilled in her since she was a child.

She would like to very much just sprint away and never look back, pretend she had never seen Lexa at all in the past five weeks, act like she wasn't the one pushing and provoking Lexa in her process of getting her knee as functional as possible for her to get back on the field. But she stood there, eying Lexa who was still silent and refusing to look at the blonde, wondering how she could fix this.

"Hey, I'm about to head down to the diner by Hollis Hall to wash away the stench of last-minute assignments. You wanna come with me?"

The newly recovered soccer player lifted her head in surprise, like she couldn't believe that she, a foster kid, would be invited out to a diner in the middle of the night by a barely coherent blonde. Again, Clarke felt herself souring at the idea.

That sourness dissipated when Lexa smiled brilliantly and nodded. They trudged alongside one another as they made their way down the two blocks to the diner, ignorant to the moon watching over them and the quietness of the compound, just the two of them.

* * *

_4\. Things you said when I was crying_

"Um, you okay?"

Clarke sniffled and looked up to find Lexa towering over her, the leaves turning orange haloing her head, and for a second, the blonde had forgotten her absolutely shitty day, entirely too taken by the effervescent sight that had been granted her.

But that only lasted for a second, as she was reminded of her sorrow state when a gust of wind blew in her direction and emphasized the cold sensation of the tear track on her cheek. She sighed and looked away from Lexa, embarrassedly rubbing away at her tears with the heel of her hand, sniffling pathetically while she was at it.

Next to her, she felt rather than saw the brunette lowering herself next to her, careful to keep a distance. This was something she had learned about Lexa in their odd and burgeoning friendship – Lexa was averse to skin contact, much preferring to keep at least five inches with whomever she was talking to. The only thing was she had no such qualms when it came to playing on the field. Clarke had seen her – the girl had no reservations when it came to playing as dirty as she could while avoiding red cards.

It was kind of hot if not somewhat infuriating, because whenever one such dirty trick occur, Lexa would always end up in the infirmary with one bruise or two. Clarke had grown enough emotional attachment apart from the underlying arousal that had become natural whenever in the presence of the brunette to not like seeing Lexa in the infirmary anymore.

"What are you doing?" Clarke sniffled when Lexa remained quiet as she sat next to her, knees drawn up to her chest and arms dangling over them.

Lexa shrugged. "I'm just sitting here."

"Why?"

The brunette turned to give her a long look, like she was scrutinizing her. Then she smiled gently with another shrug.

"I don't like to leave girls crying by themselves."

Clarke's heart pounded. She raised her eyebrows and shifted her position so she was facing the girl. "You do this often?"

"No, but I'm thinking you could be my first customer. I can see this becoming a lucrative business."

"What? Being creepy around crying girls?" Clarke scoffed.

"No, keeping crying girls company," Lexa retorted. Before Clarke could say anything else, Lexa continued, "I've had my fair share of experience of crying alone to know that they don't like to be alone." It came out quieter and less laissez faire than her earlier tone.

Shocked into silence, Clarke, yet again, found herself at a loss for words. That seemed to be a habit whenever it came to Lexa Woods. She sighed and moved closer to Lexa, leaning sideways against the girl and completely disregarding the distance that the brunette had put between them.

* * *

_5\. Things you said with too many miles between us_

In the blink of an eye.

Clarke had understood that phrase very early on in her life, when she suddenly transitioned from middle school to high school, when she had her first alcoholic drink, when she had her first boyfriend, when she won her first award for her art and finally got her mother's approval, when she went from a virgin to someone who had had sex at sixteen.

When it was her first year at college and suddenly it was Thanksgiving. All of a sudden, by the time the break would be over, she would no longer be a freshman. Instead, her feet would carry her across the quad and her eyes would sweep over the kids and she would think of them as, well, kids.

When she went from being Lexa's tentative friend and occasional physical therapist to…whatever they were now. Never would she have thought that an hour of companionship on the quad while she had snot running down her nose and Lexa just sat there like it was the norm, that they would reach the level of friendship that they had now.

That they would become a little more than friends, but a lot less than lovers.

She certainly wanted to be more than friends. She looked at Lexa every day – caught those beautiful green eyes, stared at those lips, heard that laugh – and she wanted to kiss her so much.

Throughout the course of their friendship, Clarke had learned many a thing about the soccer player. The negligent and alcoholic parents. The addiction to drugs at the age of thirteen. The drug support group. The foster homes. The hiding under the bed with her older sister because their foster parents at the time gave them scratchy blankets. Gustus.

And Clarke just knew, after learning all of that, that she needed to let Lexa go at her own pace, even though she terribly wanted to be able to the brunette hers.

So here they were, more than friends but also less than lovers – there was term for it in the Mandarin language, but Clarke had only ever heard of it once and she wasn't very well versed with Mandarin.

"Can you believe I kind of miss NCU?" she questioned over the phone after watching a mandatory movie with her parents.

Lexa hummed and Clarke's heart trilled. "You miss the frat parties."

Yes, this was what they do now. Clarke had gotten too used to talking to Lexa on an almost daily basis that she was feeling withdrawals, but it wasn't like she could just travel over to DC – her parents would murder her. So this was what she settled for: crackly connection over the phone and distortion to a melodious voice.

She had to learn to take what she could get. Lena would be laughing at her now if she could see her, but Clarke could easily just tease her about her obsession with a certain blonde soccer player.

Honestly, those two were ridiculous. Clarke could only be thankful that Kara had placed her limits of hounding Clarke at the library and didn't blow up her phone over the break.

"I miss the quad. I miss the gang. I miss the terrible cafeteria food," she listed, deliberately missing out on the one thing that she missed the most. "I miss watching you kick Mountain Men's asses on the field."

"They deserve to be kicked. Period."

Clarke chuckled, but she couldn't disagree. The Mountain Men were assholes. They clearly did not understand the point of women supporting women.

"You wanna know something?" Lexa asked after they spent too long in silence.

"What?"

And then there was more silence. Anyone else would have thought the line had cut off and checked to confirm it. But Clarke was confident that she knew Lexa better than anyone, except maybe Anya, so she waited, because sometimes, Lexa just needed time to get herself together.

"I really miss you," the brunette finally said.

Fortunately for Clarke, she was an only child and her room belonged to herself. The door was locked. The sounds of the TV wafted in muffled noises, her parents watching yet another movie as they cuddled on the couch.

She sent her gaze to the ceiling and allowed herself a big genuine grin. Finally.

* * *

_6\. Things you said while we were driving_

"I can't believe you actually did that."

Lexa raised her brows, eyes focused on the road as one hand fiddled with the radio and the other stayed on the steering wheel.

"And what did I do?"

Scoffing, Clarke rolled her head against the headrest and grinned at Lexa. "You know how much of a morning person Kara is _not_."

Seemingly satisfied with the choice of radio channel, Lexa stopped fiddling with the radio and allowed the hand to rest on the center console. She feigned a curious look and threw a momentary glance at the blonde before looking back on the road.

"Not really. I don't know her that well."

"You're such an asshole!"

Lexa stuck her tongue out.

It was the weekend, and Lexa was driving them to a campsite just fifteen miles away from NCU. Yes, Clarke was going camping, believe it or not, because she had lost the ability to say no to Lexa the minute she discovered exactly how disarming those eyes could be the moment she truly looked into them at the infirmary.

It was the stupidest thing, and Clarke didn't mind one bit, even though Raven and Octavia had cackled their asses off when they heard about it. She would go to the ends of the earth for the girl driving.

"Lena's been through a lot. She deserves to be loved, and I know Kara enough to know that she is the only one capable of giving Lena the love she deserves," Lexa finally said as Sam Smith crooned over the radio.

"You're secretly a softie."

Lexa hummed. Then her hand left the center console to take Clarke's hand. It wasn't the first time they held hands, but Clarke still felt her stomach stutter at it.

"Keep that a secret. You're the only one who really knows."

The blonde tightened her hand with Lexa's and hummed to Sam Smith.

* * *

_7\. Things you said when you thought I was asleep _

A habit had been formed after more than a year of more-than-friendship. Before, Clarke would have used the excuse that she had the misfortune to be assigned to a dorm room that was a little too far way from her usual haunts – frat houses, the art building, library. Now, Clarke had no shame in admitting she slept better when cuddling with Lexa.

Whenever she out until late at night – either with or without Lexa – she would resort to not return to the room she shared with Lena and make her way to Simmons Hall. The RA would just roll her eyes fondly at Clarke's appearance and offer some late-night hot chocolate, which Clarke would reject as she was eager to just enter 307 and call it a night.

Lexa looked lethargic but still happy to see her when she opened the door – Clarke returned the smile and didn't even wait for the invitation to head inside. Whenever she was in the room, she would always be grateful that Lexa was one of the lucky ones to get assigned a single, because that would mean no interruption.

It worked well all of them, as in her, Lexa, Lena, and Kara. Lexa and her because they could pretend in this bubble, where Clarke very much knew about Lexa's fears in her inaction but didn't care and Lexa was just grateful for the space Clarke was giving her. Lena and Kara because, well, they could easily get up to no good without her in the room.

Win-win.

Clarke brushed her teeth, washed her face, and collapsed into Lexa's bed, snuggling into the familiar warmth and promptly closing her eyes, already feeling slumber taking her away.

In the depths of her addled mind, almost losing the battle but also clinging to wakefulness, her arm tingled with the careful and barely there drags of fingers, callouses from too much falls on the field and strong from the routine gym workouts. This was her second favorite thing from these sleepovers. She couldn't get all the touches, but this was good.

Then she heard Lexa inhaled sharply but in a muffled manner. She felt the sleepiness drift away at the sound, though she kept the pretense of having fallen going.

"I don't think I'll ever find another sanctuary now that I found you."

Clarke had to fight every nerve ending she had to not leap right up and kiss the hell out of Lexa Woods. It was one of the biggest battles she had to fight as she forced her eyes closed and her breathing steady and her heart thump-thump-thumping away like a ball on a basketball court.

But when Lexa finally settled behind Clarke and slithered her arms over the blonde's middle, she didn't hesitate to react by holding onto those hands.

* * *

_8\. Things you said under the stars and in the grass_

The fireworks and the booming music indicated the end of sophomore year in college, indicated the coming of the final year, indicated new beginnings, indicated a new stage for the saga of Lexa and Clarke – stretched out too long and fresh with much to await.

She had kissed many people before, boys and girls. Boyfriends, girlfriends, casual boyfriends, casual girlfriends, one-night stands. They had all been rather marvelous and Clarke couldn't say she had ever had a bad lover, but none of them could even live up to Lexa Woods when their lips had finally touched – when she finally bucked up the courage to take Kara's advice and leaned forward to make the first move.

"I've never made the first move before," Clarke commented as they lied on the grass in a secluded corner they had found after they grew tired of their peers' constant teasing.

Their hands were entangled on Lexa's stomach, and even though they had just kissed and they had much to talk about, Clarke allowed herself a selfish moment to appreciate how those refined abs felt vibrated against her knuckles. Truly a work of art.

Lexa rose up to lean against an elbow, still holding on to Clarke's hands with one of hers. For a prolonged moment, their gaze stayed one another, appreciating the quiet fact that there were no one else for them. Not for now. Hopefully not ever.

When their hands disentangled of Lexa's accord, the blonde had to fight a complaining whine of the loss of contact. Well, it was more like she didn't have a chance to complain, because the soccer player had lifted her hand to cup Clarke's cheek, smoothing away a strand of stray hair while caressing her cheek.

"You took my heart. I think you took my soul."

For some unexplainable but clear reason, the art student's heart broke at the confession. With one hand clasping Lexa's on her cheek, she reached behind Lexa's neck with another one and pulled her down for another proper kiss.

It was not the same as the kisses she had before. This was steeped in a passion that ignited with the promise of realness and forever. There existed a primal desire in this contact, alighted and living within their existence. And with it, Lexa told her that he was very much awake, very much afraid, very much there.

Clarke had surrendered to a joy known only by the insane and the loved. She had lost herself completely in a girl she met at one in the morning in the library, gotten herself missing the maze that was made up of green and golden flecks. It would have been horrible if it wasn't so beautiful.

* * *

**my ko-fi account is colenign ;) **


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